Public Displays of Affection in Class: Knock it Off

Okay so today we're going to have a lesson on PDA in class, so listen up...especially if you're one of those couples.

Let me just make this clear. I'm not bitter, I'm not jealous. I have 0 desire to be you. I AM however, annoyed AF and would like you to break up so I won't have to deal with your PDA and/or RIDICULOUS FB STATUSES.

Let me start off with PDA in class.

"C'mon, Alex. No couple is fucking stupid enough to inappropriately suck face in a lecture of 300+ people!! I mean that's just like common sense!"

Oh, but they exist....A lot of them exist. This my dear friends is very unfortunate and if you are one of them...KNOCK IT OFF. Seriously, it's not cool bro.

Dude, I get it. Lecture is boring. No one wants to be there, but how about you take some goddamn notes, stalk your professor on facebook, take a nap, doodle some ligers...IDGAF. Just try to do anything instead of screwing your girlfriend literally right in front of me.

Do you know how distracting it is trying to learn about velociraptors while your whore of a girlfriend is climaxing?

Yeah, didn't think so.

I really don't know how I end up behind all of these couples. Do I have some sort of huge sign above my head directing these horny couples to come sit directly in front of me?

If it's impossible for you to keep your tongue out of your significant other's throat for approx. 50-75 min, then you need help. Seek it.

Otherwise, just save everyone from getting entirely grossed out.

Our reward for actually showing up to class shouldn't be soft core porn.

Bitches Need to STFU about "Cuddle Weather"

It's that time of year again in California.

The weather drops to a DRASTICALLY COLD AND UNBEARABLE 60 degrees and hey, maybe we get a little rain.

That's when tragedy strikes.
All of the lonely girls unite and start using Facebook as a diary.

I Feel like we get enough girls using facebook and songs as some sort of pathetic diary. *Cough* Taylor Swift *Cough*

("Omgg TaySwift is so nice! DON'T BASH ON MY GIRL TAYLOR!!" Yeah, I dislike Ms. Swift...I SAID IT.)

I'm so tired of these statuses:

"Omggg I just need someone to cuddle with. Plzzzz."

--STFU, desperate hoe.

"This is the perfect weather to just cuddle and watch the Notebook and drink some hot chocolate."

--Solution: GRAB A BLANKET. CUDDLE WITH A DOG/CAT/CHINCHILLA/ETC. WATCH THE NOTEBOOK AND DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE.

There is truly no need to convey your lonely feelings of needing some bro to come cuddle with you. --

PS. If a guy does claim he would love to cuddle with you and watch the fucking notebook, you know he just wants to bang you right?

Just trying to clarify.

Come on ladies. Stop being so thirsty. There are plenty of other things out there that wise people invented during this so called "cuddle weather" to keep people warm.

GO BUY A SNUGGIE FOR ALL I CARE.

Just stop harassing my news feed. Post an add on Craigslist for a "Cuddle" buddy.